Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

Dear Editor:

Another election season. More of those yard signs. Gosh, I just can't get enough of them. Can you? They're so pretty, so attractive. And so helpful, too. They help me decide who to vote for.

I know if someone has more signs, or better looking signs, than the other candidates, then that's who I should vote for. In fact, I don't have to do any research at all. The signs tell me who's running.  Because if you're running for something, you must have designed a sign.  And I also know you must have spent around $2,000 for all those signs. So you must be good.

And if, somewhere in the distant future, a candidate for, let's say, School Board... decides to forego the procurement of said signs, and decides to have a little ceremony in someone's back yard, and donates one of those giant checks they pay golfers with to... oh, let's say, CEF, or some other scandalous organization like that, who would use the money to actually help with our children's education, what would I do?

Well, I could never vote for such a candidate. And you know why, don't you? Because I would never know they were running. There would be no signs! Why, you'd have to be one of those people who pay attention to these things, who knows who's running, and what they stand for. And that's not who actually votes in this beautiful little town. Right?

I mean, I'm just sayin'...

Marcus Dowd
Claremont