Graham Perry “Bud” Kilsby is hard to describe, said Claremonter Georgia McManigal who met Mr. Kilsby in the 50s.

“Bud was just Bud,” she said.

Perhaps Mr. Kilsby was hard to explain with any sort of ease for his demeanor and habits were an interesting blend of opposites: he was quiet but had a good sense of humor and play; his presence was bold but his manner was subdued; he was solid and steadfast, but flexible and easy going; he was a big man but ever so gentle.

“My dad was a rock,” said his daughter, Robin Kilsby Fitchett. “He was a quiet, safe place to go. When you’re uncomfortable at parties, you go find Bud Kilsby and hang out with him.”

And, simply put, Mr. Kilsby was a wonderfully nice man.

“He was just thoughtful and kind and generous,” Ms. McManigal said. “In all kinds of ways, in many, many ways, wherever he went and whatever he did.”

Mr. Kilsby, a former Claremont resident most recently residing in Long Beach, died from lung cancer on February 1, 2009 at Long Beach Memorial Hospital. He was 75.

Born in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania on December 7, 1933, Mr. Kilsby grew up in the Los Angeles area. He attended Harvard-Westlake High School.

Offered a basketball scholarship to Colgate University in New York, Mr. Kilsby’s first choice was to attend Pomona College, which he frankly told a Pomona admissions counselor, adding that he really had to let Colgate know. Bypassing selection committees and admissions meetings, the response was simply, “You’re in.”

Traversing a number of majors at Pomona—premed, sociology, kinesiology, sports medicine—Mr. Kilsby ultimately earned a degree in botany in 1955.

Following graduation, he was offered the opportunity to enter graduate school in Colorado and conduct research related to plants growing on freeway embankments. However, his father, who was in the steel business, convinced him to first work for 6 months in his industry. He acquiesced, and began what was to become a 40-year career.

Over the years, Mr. Kilsby worked in different capacities within the many incarnations of Kilsby Tube Supply Co. At one time he served as the company’s president; at another time, he was the chief information officer; and, as technology changed, he became the company’s computer whiz. 

“They didn’t know anything about computers, and neither did Bud,” Rev. Kilsby said. “But he had that kind of mind, and he had a ball.”

During his professional life, Mr. Kilsby served on several national committees within the steel and aluminum industries.

In 1957, Mr. Kilsby and his wife, Mary Ellen Kilsby who he had met during their high school days, moved to Claremont. They became charter members of Claremont Methodist Church.

“Bud and I jumped in with both feet,” said Rev. Kilsby, noting that they enjoyed leading the youth groups.

Following a 4-year stint from 1962-66 in Seattle, Washington due to Mr. Kilsby’s profession, they returned to Claremont and put a bid “on a very expensive house,” Rev. Kilsby said.

“We knew we shouldn’t have bid on it,” she continued, “Bud even got up and threw up.”

Withdrawing their bid on the stress-inducing home, they settled on a less grandiose option and considered their new home and location a great gift.

Throughout his life but especially after his 1994 retirement, Mr. Kilsby became active in numerous organizations including the Girl Scouts, the South Coast Interfaith Council, Pomona College, the Carpenter Center, California State University, Long Beach, the Long Beach Museum of Arts and other arts organizations and the First Congregational Church of Long Beach, where Rev. Kilsby had become senior minister in 1988. 

Friends and family note that one of Mr. Kilsby’s claims to fame is his enduring and unwavering support of his wife as she pursued seminary education and a subsequent ministerial career.

“He let me fly,” said Rev. Kilsby, past president of the Claremont Unified School District board, on which she served for 2 terms.

“They always seemed to me to represent the ideal couple,” said longtime friend John B. Cobb, Jr., Claremont School of Theology professor emeritus. “In some ways, very different from each other, and yet totally one. It’s an inspiration to see people who, year after year, grow together, work together, support each other. The way he supporter her as a minister was a marvel.”

Some of this support depended upon Mr. Kilsby’s dignified ability to feel at ease in any situation.

“He was just a comfortable person,” Ms. McManigal said. “He could be at the theater with a group of ladies, the only man, and be comfortable. It was just no big deal.”

For decades, Mr. Kilsby and his wife participated in a Friday Fellowship group at their church.

“Bud had a very solid presence and a matter-of-fact-ness, honesty and directness that always contributed healthily to conversations we participated in,” said Dr. Cobb, also a longtime member of the group. “Of course, his basic world was a world of business, and the meeting didn’t draw him out very much, but he happily entered into other conversations.”

Most happily, Mr. Kilsby entered games—any and all sorts and all the time—with friends and family. He loved card games, guessing games, silly games, highly competitive (but still good-natured) games, spontaneously invented games, traditional games like charades and everything in between and beyond: Mr. Kilsby adored playing games.

“He was the kind of guy who would go places, like getting from church to home, and make a game out of anything,” said his daughter, Ms. Kilsby Fitchett. “He would constantly make a game out of everything.”

Watching TV, he would suddenly challenge fellow viewers to see who could name a commercial’s product faster; or driving, he might propose counting how many people you could spot talking on the phone.

And, joked his daughter, “If you beat dad in any game, you documented it with video.”

“In a very playful way, we all loved games,” she said.

“I think of the whole Kilsby family,” said Dr. Cobb, “he was obviously central to that. It can’t be quite the same without him.”

For his daughter, Ms. Kilsby Fitchett, the source of her greatest comfort has is no longer present.

“Next to my dad is the safest place in the world,” she said, having just reminisced about the time he placed healing stones on her body during a serious hospitalization. “And this is true for a lot of people…He was a quiet, safe place to go.”

Mr. Kilsby is survived by his wife of 53 years, Reverend Mary Ellen Kilsby of Long Beach; by his children, Kathy Kilsby of Claremont, Richard Kilsby of Portland, Oregon, Christi Kilsby Norton of Lafayette and Robin Kilsby Fitchett of Curacao; and by his 11 grandchildren.

A memorial service was held on February 15, 2009 at the First Congregational Church, UCC, in Long Beach.

Memorial donations may be made to the First Congregational Church, UCC, 241 Cedar Ave., Long Beach, CA 90802; or to Pomona College, 333 N. College Way, Claremont, CA 91711.